Food Lifestyles
An increasingly high amount of people have been asking me about IIFYM (if it fits your macros). So i decided to dive into all of the popular "diets" right now and give an unbiased summary of them all, with a little bit of science and a lot of sarcasm. Side note, i hate the word "diet" so I am referring to this post as food lifestyles. Take it or leave it.
Paleo
Let's eat like the cavemen- it really worked out for them, since ya know, there are so many cavemen left. Idiots. Paloe is moronic, Unless you are literally hunting and gathering all the food yourself (which, let's be honest, none of you are), you aren't paleo. Stop trying to make paleo happen- it will never happen! My favorite is when people post on Instagram- my paleo lunch!!!- and there's pictures of dairy, grains, etc. And when was the last time your grocery store had a special on woolly mammoth meat?
Keto
AKA Atkins on steroids- no pun intended. The human body needs at least, on average, 130 grams of carbs per day to ya know- live and function and perform brain activities. Keto calls for less than 30 grams of carbs per day. Low card, in the short term (and by short term I mean like 3 days), can be beneficial. Extremely low carb lifestyles, in the long run, can cause really moody people, increase in heart disease, weakened bones, and not to mention- guess what happens when you start to eat the carbs that you've been depriving your body of for months? Yup- just watch all that weight pile itself back on plus some!
IIFYM
Eating to hit your macros. What does this mean? Eating to hit your calories, carbs, proteins, fats, and fibers that you need to hit your own personal goals based on a number of different factors (height, sex, weight, current activity level, etc). What instagram followers think it means- eating super healthy until 8pm when all the IIFYMers post their "pretty fro yo" pictures with candy, cookies, skinny cow treats, blah blah blah. Cut the bullshit- that's not what it's about. This food lifestyle is based on numbers which is why i like it and why i follow it- it's amazing what the body can you do when you stick to a meal plan that is tailed to you, have one 500 calorie treat meal A WEEK, and look hot AF. And there's some science nonsense behind it AKA what my entire fitness nutrition certification talked about AKA a 200 page book AKA ask me if you have questions.
Clean
"Clean" eating. What the hell is that Mr. Clean???!?!? No, despite the name, it's not food that's been covered in bleach hahahaha. Ok, so clean eating is a great concept- eat all healthy foods and you'll be healthy weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. False. If you eat an excess of cucumbers or strawberries or grapes or what the fuck, you will still gain weight because it's in excess. Who cares if it a clean or dirty food if you ate too much damn food. Having a surplus of 2,000 calories of celery or a surplus of 2,000 calories of pizza will cause a weight gain either way. So just because you "eat clean", doesn't mean you will meet your goals (wether that be to gain weight, lose weight, or maintain).
Vegetarian/Vegan
I was a dairy-free vegetarian for almost a year and have been a pescatarian for almost 2. For those of you who can't search "what is a pescatarian"- i only eat fish as an animal protein source. I admire and respect anyone who gives up meat or animal byproducts- it's HARD, very very hard. Getting enough protein to live, let alone lift weights, is a very difficult task especially when you go out to eat. Me, personally, i don't care what you eat- but don't shove your meat in my face (that's what she said). Is it hard to get enough protein with this lifestyle? Yes. Is it impossible? No- just takes a little more planning.
IDGAF
I eat what I want. Ok, next topic.
Intermittent Fasting
Don't eat for 14 hours. Then eat. Then don't eat for 14 hours. The eat. Intermittent fasting is BOOMING right now, and I'm not sure why. Me, personally, if i don't eat for 2 hours i turn into robin williams coaching that football team in the snickers commercial (if you live under a rock, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DxlOWVVQWE). Your body needs a variety of vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients from food to stay healthy. When one fasts, dizziness, dehydration, gallstones, and cold intolerance all come into play. No thanks.
Gluten Free Diet
99% of people didn't know what gluten was until roughly 2 years. The 1% had celiacs disease so, ya know, they actually aren't on a diet- they are on a "i am allergic to fluten as a medical issue and not an oxygen magazine fad" lifestyle. The G-word, glutten. What is it? Gluten is a protein composite found in foods processed from wheat and related grain- thanks wikipedia! If you aren't allergic to gluten- why the fuck are you buying foods that are gluten free? They are twice as expensive and hard to find. Oh, you're just following a fad? Gotcha.
Paleo
Let's eat like the cavemen- it really worked out for them, since ya know, there are so many cavemen left. Idiots. Paloe is moronic, Unless you are literally hunting and gathering all the food yourself (which, let's be honest, none of you are), you aren't paleo. Stop trying to make paleo happen- it will never happen! My favorite is when people post on Instagram- my paleo lunch!!!- and there's pictures of dairy, grains, etc. And when was the last time your grocery store had a special on woolly mammoth meat?
Keto
AKA Atkins on steroids- no pun intended. The human body needs at least, on average, 130 grams of carbs per day to ya know- live and function and perform brain activities. Keto calls for less than 30 grams of carbs per day. Low card, in the short term (and by short term I mean like 3 days), can be beneficial. Extremely low carb lifestyles, in the long run, can cause really moody people, increase in heart disease, weakened bones, and not to mention- guess what happens when you start to eat the carbs that you've been depriving your body of for months? Yup- just watch all that weight pile itself back on plus some!
IIFYM
Eating to hit your macros. What does this mean? Eating to hit your calories, carbs, proteins, fats, and fibers that you need to hit your own personal goals based on a number of different factors (height, sex, weight, current activity level, etc). What instagram followers think it means- eating super healthy until 8pm when all the IIFYMers post their "pretty fro yo" pictures with candy, cookies, skinny cow treats, blah blah blah. Cut the bullshit- that's not what it's about. This food lifestyle is based on numbers which is why i like it and why i follow it- it's amazing what the body can you do when you stick to a meal plan that is tailed to you, have one 500 calorie treat meal A WEEK, and look hot AF. And there's some science nonsense behind it AKA what my entire fitness nutrition certification talked about AKA a 200 page book AKA ask me if you have questions.
Clean
"Clean" eating. What the hell is that Mr. Clean???!?!? No, despite the name, it's not food that's been covered in bleach hahahaha. Ok, so clean eating is a great concept- eat all healthy foods and you'll be healthy weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. False. If you eat an excess of cucumbers or strawberries or grapes or what the fuck, you will still gain weight because it's in excess. Who cares if it a clean or dirty food if you ate too much damn food. Having a surplus of 2,000 calories of celery or a surplus of 2,000 calories of pizza will cause a weight gain either way. So just because you "eat clean", doesn't mean you will meet your goals (wether that be to gain weight, lose weight, or maintain).
Vegetarian/Vegan
I was a dairy-free vegetarian for almost a year and have been a pescatarian for almost 2. For those of you who can't search "what is a pescatarian"- i only eat fish as an animal protein source. I admire and respect anyone who gives up meat or animal byproducts- it's HARD, very very hard. Getting enough protein to live, let alone lift weights, is a very difficult task especially when you go out to eat. Me, personally, i don't care what you eat- but don't shove your meat in my face (that's what she said). Is it hard to get enough protein with this lifestyle? Yes. Is it impossible? No- just takes a little more planning.
IDGAF
I eat what I want. Ok, next topic.
Intermittent Fasting
Don't eat for 14 hours. Then eat. Then don't eat for 14 hours. The eat. Intermittent fasting is BOOMING right now, and I'm not sure why. Me, personally, if i don't eat for 2 hours i turn into robin williams coaching that football team in the snickers commercial (if you live under a rock, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DxlOWVVQWE). Your body needs a variety of vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients from food to stay healthy. When one fasts, dizziness, dehydration, gallstones, and cold intolerance all come into play. No thanks.
Gluten Free Diet
99% of people didn't know what gluten was until roughly 2 years. The 1% had celiacs disease so, ya know, they actually aren't on a diet- they are on a "i am allergic to fluten as a medical issue and not an oxygen magazine fad" lifestyle. The G-word, glutten. What is it? Gluten is a protein composite found in foods processed from wheat and related grain- thanks wikipedia! If you aren't allergic to gluten- why the fuck are you buying foods that are gluten free? They are twice as expensive and hard to find. Oh, you're just following a fad? Gotcha.
Food Lifestyles
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Reviewed by Unknown
on
19:14
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